I know that I always write about how wonderful and how great everyone was or has been. The experiences are always positive, and even though this all has a relatively candid spirit behind it when I type, my posts may become a little vanilla, since the tone rarely changes. Of course, sometimes people are difficult to work with, or I cry because I'm frustrated, or I'm angry at another actor or director because I think that their attitude is unfair or inappropriate. This work is hard. Even when it's just sitting in a coffee shop and sending out obligatory emails, or when it's taking hours to get ready for an audition that works really well when you're at home and then falls apart in front of the casting director. Memorizing new material every day, and dolling yourself up for what? Sometimes, often times, my confidence is through the floor and I'm asking myself what the hell I'm doing and whether or not I'm good enough. But then something just right falls into place, and the worries go away for a flicker of a moment. And that's why this is worth it. Because that high still exists when all is settled, at peace, and people are connecting.
I always express myself positively partially because, in all honesty, I don't want anyone to stumble across this tiny blog and catch me badmouthing anyone. It's just not worth it. But also because every experience, even if it is a difficult and emotional one, is still work. That's what I want to do. I want to make things. I want my work to be good, and every millisecond of experience, positive or negative, feeds that. It's all steps toward growth- so I try to take it all in stride, and put the light in the forefront. It might all come back around- to you, to me.
I'm auditioning a bit right now. Some callbacks too. I just took a class with Bob Krakower- but this week is quite slow. Maybe just end of summer blues. I'll check in here again if something does catch fire, though.